Doing what I do trying my best to improve services is bloody tough, especially when managing own health.
Had another CT scan on Sunday and am nervously awaiting results but that is just another thing on top of the norm. I’m always fearing the big lows I get where I shutdown and turn off my phone and digital life. Not sure it’s the scan or just another inevitable low that always comes, even when life is going well.
What I found this time was when I finally got my phone on to check all the emails, I find the two most important ones I’d sent in desperation were unanswered…..
Probably hardest thing doing the work I do is when the barriers go up and you’re treated as the outsider, the one that’s not salaried and therefore is not seen as an equal or even a human being at times.
I know when things get tough, people don’t know what to say or might feel awkward but it’s the worst feeling to be excommunicated or persona non grata.
Please understand how hurtful it is, especially when you’re already hyper-vigilant to rejection and experienced it many times in the past.
Alot of co-production issues stem from lack of communication or understanding and therefore the worst thing you can do is stop doing either or both.
Hoping I pick up and must decide a way forward that avoids me feeling this rubbish